The Art of Listening
Next time you are in a conversation with a group of friends, notice how quickly people finish off each other's sentences, or jump in prioritising their thoughts, before properly taking in what someone else is saying.
This is particularly prevalent when adults work with young people. The power dynamic may mean there is no safe space for young people to express their views genuinely. Adults can downplay the capacity of young people to look after themselves, and can underestimate young people’s ability to understand situations and make sensible decisions. Even if listening takes place, it might not translate into actions that have taken into account the young person’s views.
It can help to disconnect listening from speaking. Speaking will naturally follow, but it is valuable to listen in order to first understand and show empathy.
If we can do this we are more likely to:
Not interrupt
Focus on what is being said (rather than presuming what will be said)
Connect emotionally
Then, when the moment is right to speak, it is not necessary, and sometimes detrimental, to jump in with advice and try to “fix” them.
The focus for the adult should be to summarise what was said, showing they understand their feelings (possibly sharing their own feelings too), and then to ask open questions which helps them to explore ways they can act for themselves. Growing research points to the fact that young people develop skills and confidence when they have opportunities to exercise agency over their own lives. Achieving goals by oneself is far more effective than having someone else do all the work for you.
Sometimes just being present and listening can be enough, with no speaking needed at all. The art of listening well can greatly support a young person’s mental health. At the very least, It will help build trust, making it more likely that a young person reaches out and regularly talks about their difficulties and feelings with the adults they can trust to listen.
